The Flat Earth Society Has Revealed That Spacex’s Falcon Heavy Launch Was A Hoax

Millions of people watched on Tuesday as SpaceX’s Falcon Heavy, the world’s most powerful rocket since Saturn V, launched out of the atmosphere, delivered a Tesla Roadster into space, and then, in three separate pieces, descended back to earth. It was exciting. It was awe-inspiring. It was a grand spectacle.

But most of all, it was a sham. The revelation comes from the Flat Earth Society (this one, not this one), and it tells of how Elon Musk’s recent foray into space was an intricately planned hoax, just the latest in the decades-long “globularist” conspiracy designed to fool the world into believing that Earth is round. Yes we agree with you, this whole thing is utter bull*** but everyone has right to say their opinion.

“It certainly is interesting to see the shift of focus in space programs from official government organizations to privately-run organizations,” Pete Svarrior, a moderator on the society’s website, wrote in a blog post.

Interesting indeed. The society proposes that people’s willingness to believe things they see on the internet is just a new version of the old phrase “It’s true, I saw it on TV!”

Forget, for a moment, the fact that the once-fledgling Flat Earth Society found new life after thousands of people were able to “see it on the internet” in the early 2000s. And never mind the tweet’s curious implication that we should be extra skeptical of “privately-held” companies while assuming government-controlled organizations are more trustworthy.

There’s a bigger issue at hand: beloved inventor and entrepreneur Elon Musk is a crook. Wake the hell up. Even Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak “doesn’t believe anything” Musk says, as Svarrior noted by citing an article in which “The Woz” expressed doubt over the quality of the technology in Tesla cars.

There’s reason to doubt Tesla. The company says its cars use GPS to navigate. Why is that a problem? GPS technology, which relies on a network of satellites to triangulate positions on the ground, is based on the assumption that Earth is round.

Maybe that’s why Tesla cars keep crashing into fire trucks and stuff.

“I would like to appeal to everyone, Round Earther and Flat Earther alike, to exercise more caution when approaching online content,” Svarrior wrote, going on to suggest that (grab a pen because you’ll want to write this one down) everyone should “Exercise critical thinking.”

Still, even Svarrior can’t deny that Musk has a knack for marketing.

“Then again, it was a good car ad.”